where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
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Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
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The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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