bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
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the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
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CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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