If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
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She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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