Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
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Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
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