i'm signing you up for texting rehab
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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