Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize