I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize