Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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