she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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