Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
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I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
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Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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