got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize