I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize