I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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