Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
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Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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