No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize