She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
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