So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
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i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
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