Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
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I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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