my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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