i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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