Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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