you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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