This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
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I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
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Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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