My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
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A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
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My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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