there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
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