I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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