Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize