U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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