Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize