apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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