just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize