Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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