i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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