How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Two words: blizzard sex
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize