i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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