well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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