he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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