I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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