I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize