youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
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Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
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HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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