I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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