the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize