I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
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Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
me + whiskey = a bad person
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Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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