I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize