What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
im six kinds of drunk right now
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize