I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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