Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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