That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
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Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
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I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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