he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
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