I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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